Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
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