I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize