i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
