I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
