whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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