I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
