I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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