Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize