We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
