Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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