She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
