nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
