It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
