Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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