I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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