I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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