curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
