so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize