He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
