I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
