I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
