fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
There are leaves in my underwear?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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