Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
