I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
