i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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