Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
