I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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