Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
