i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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