Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
