Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
