she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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