U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
