He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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