1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
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