I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize