If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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