Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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