I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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