I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
