So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
