He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
