:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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