I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
