They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
