She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
