do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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