he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Hippo gnu deer
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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