You smell like a Billy Joel song
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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