I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
