They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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