i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
