I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
