I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
