Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
