I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
