sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
