Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
