Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
