Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
In other news, I just burned my penis
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