Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You pole danced in your parka.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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