my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
