Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize