i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
