My brain says no but my pants say off.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
