i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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