girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
